When I was a small girl, only about 10 or so, I wanted to hold a birthday party. It was going to be THE party, the best party my family had ever thrown (and my family was spectacular at hosting parties). It was Pokemon themed, there was food, there was games, it was a sleepover, and my little brother wasn't going to bother my friends and I. I was ecstatic and had invited half of my class.
So on the day of my party, I stood at the corner of my street and waited for the cars to arrive with all of my friends. When the first car arrived I jumped for joy and hugged my friend as she got out of the car. Then we went to the corner and sat as we waited for all my other friends to arrive.
And we waited, and waited, and waited...
We waited till the sun went down.
We waited until it got too cold for us to stay outside any longer.
No one came after that. There was no late arrivals, no surprise waiting or me later. It was just Emily and I. But even that ended as she got homesick and left early. So I spent the night in a room decorated with Pokemon themed streamers, plates, and napkins. I spent the night close to tears, because of all the things I imagined going wrong that day, being completely abandoned by my 'friends' wasn't one of them.
Ever since then I've been afraid. Afraid of hosting parties. It's a stupid fear, one that doesn't even have a scientific name because it's only me. My Achilles heal is hosting a party. What a pathetic thing to admit.
But this Saturday, for the first time in about 5 years, I'm hosting a party. I'm scared as hell, I'll admit to that, but I think this will help me get over it. I have real friends now, friends who are special to me and who have stayed with me despite my faults. If anyone can help me get over this, it's these guys. So here is to hope, hope that in a crazy world where 10 year old girls get left alone and scarred over little things like parties, I can be cured of the one phobia I can't name.
Cheers.
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